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Love is a Gift

Part 1

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It was two o’clock in the morning and I couldn’t sleep. Normally, I can sleep at the drop of a hat; I mean, I’m practically known for it—Xander Harris: sleeper extraordinaire! Of course, I haven’t actually tried dropping any hats to see...I mean, it’s just an expression, right? I’m more of a ‘fall asleep at the open of a textbook’ type.

Anyway, I was lying there, staring at the ceiling, completely unable to sleep. Another one of the Scoobies might wonder if I was staying up thinking about the killer robot we just helped Buffy bury a couple weeks ago. Or, maybe it was those Tarakan assassins that almost killed several of us the week before that...ugh! As if I didn’t already think maggots were gross...It could have even been finding out about Giles’ little walk on the dark side with the whole Eyghon thing. Any one of those—not to mention just living on the Hellmouth, fighting the forces of evil—could keep a normal person up nights.

It wasn’t any of those things, though. The reason I was lying there in the dark, wide-awake, nowhere near sleep, was because of Willow.

Willow Rosenberg...just the name brings a smile to my face. Rolling onto my side, I stared at her face again. I’d been switching between her face and the ceiling for the last two hours. I stared at the ceiling hoping to fall asleep, but I kept thinking of her, and every time I thought of her, I’d feel this intense need to look at her. You’d think, after us being lovers for six weeks, I’d get over the amazement...but I had so not. Every time I looked at her I felt this...I don’t know; it was like amazement and lust and happiness and love and...just everything good, all smushed together. Of course, then I’d feel the strong urge to kick myself in the ass for not seeing it years ago.

We made love for the first time on Halloween night. The next morning, Willow told me that she has dreamt of being my girlfriend since kindergarten, which freaked me a little since she was in the middle of her sliding herself onto my morning hard-on. I mean, scary mental image at that moment. Still, even though she tells me to get over it, I still feel guilty about it—she loved me for, like, ever; but I didn’t figure it out till our junior year in high school.

Even then, it took black magic so powerful that it turned half of Sunnydale into their Halloween costumes before I figured it out. I had to forget everything I ever knew...become someone else entirely before I could see Willow for the amazing, beautiful, sexy woman she is.

And she so is!

As I lay there looking at her...God, I almost couldn’t breathe, she was so beautiful! She looked so sweet and innocent right at that second...it’s hard to believe that just a few hours ago she was screaming my name while she pounded herself down on me till I thought I’d just explode.

Ever since that first time, we’d had sex every night and every morning that we were together. Did I win the girlfriend lottery or what?

She was still Willow though, I mean she still can’t even say the word ‘sex’ without blushing. Despite the fact that we have more sex than I ever thought possible—and she starts it as much as I do—she’s still that sweet, shy, Willowy girl that I’ve been best friends with forever.

God I love her so much!

And then I had to roll over and stare at the ceiling again or I was going to start crying, and we all know that manly men don’t cry...

So, clearly I was the luckiest guy in existence, I had the best girlfriend that ever lived, so why was I lying there wide awake at... two ten in the morning?

Less than a week till Christmas and I still hadn’t found the right gift for Willow.

Okay, so, it wasn’t like another apocalypse or anything, but it was important to me. I lucked out with Hanukkah, ’cause Giles hooked me up with an almost perfect gift—err gifts, I mean. I had to slave away as his library assistant for, like, a whole week, but it was totally worth it. Being into books and stuff, he found me a boxed hardback set of The Chronicles of Narnia, signed by the author, C. S. Lewis.

I was never big on the whole ‘reading is entertainment’ thing, but Willow was, and she loved those books. So, I was totally the hero for the eight nights of Hanukkah—I gave her the box on the first night, ’cause, you know, only seven books in the series. But, it was cool ’cause it was like this really fancy leather with engraving and stuff, but it didn’t say what was supposed to go in it, so the second night was a total surprise when I gave her the first book. The smile on her face when she unwrapped it...it was the kind of smile that makes you promise yourself that you’ll do everything you can to make her smile like that as often as possible. When she saw the author’s signature though...I get choked up just thinking about it. My Willow can light up, like, a whole city block with one of those smiles.

By the eighth night I was hooked. I want to make her smile like that as often as possible. It was totally addictive—plus, the sex! I mean, it was always great, but those nights she was so incredibly amazing! She’d found this website, and it had all kinds of instructions to teach you how to do different stuff sexually, and she’d been practicing the oral stuff on me and she was really getting good. I mean, I’d never been with anyone else but her, so not a lot of comparison there, but I knew it was way different than the first few times; and I thought those were pretty awesome at the time.

I’d been reading stuff on the website too—there was a column on oral sex written by this lesbian couple and wow! It made sense, though. Who would know better?

Funny how much I didn’t want to take that idea to the other side of the equation.

Anyway, it worked; or, at least, Willow seemed to really, really appreciate it.

Willow told me I didn’t have to get her a Christmas present. She said it wasn’t a big deal seeing how she was Jewish and all, and I’d already got her Hanukkah presents anyway. Well, it was a big deal to me.

I don’t have any good Christmas memories, mostly ’cause my family was a bunch of drunk losers who spent the holidays yelling and screaming. Still, I’d always dreamed of how Christmas should be...and I wanted that. I wanted to catch Will under the mistletoe and kiss her breathless, I wanted nog, and a tree and presents and stuff. Most of all, I wanted to spend Christmas with people I actually cared about. Since Buffy’s mom invited Willow and me to spend Christmas at Casa del Summers, I figured I was actually going to have a chance to have that dream come true.

The only thing still missing was the part where I got to give Willow the perfect gift. I wanted to see that smile, the one that lights up the night and makes me feel like a superhero ’cause I’m the one that put it on her face.

The next day was Saturday. Christmas Eve was going to be Thursday, so that meant I had six days to find it.
 

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“No, no, it’s upside down. Now they’ll have to stand on their heads!”

I woke up to another one of Willow’s strange dreams. It’s not every day, but a lot of mornings happen like that: Willow in the throes of some kind of weird, surreal dream, and talking out loud. Normally, I’m a pretty heavy sleeper, but when she’s all cuddled up on my chest, talking right in my ear it wakes me up every time.

Actually, it’s kind of cute, even though she thinks it’s embarrassing. To me it’s just one more thing about Willow that’s completely adorable. She’s so smart and her brain’s always working, even when she’s asleep.

“Shh, it’s okay, Willow...just a dream, baby.” I whispered to her while running my fingers through her hair. I love her hair; it’s so soft and silky.

She twitched and clutched at me for a second which let me know she was waking up. She always seems a little surprised when she goes from asleep to awake. Like, for a second, she’s not sure which is the dream, and which is reality.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” I said when she blinked her eyes open and looked up at me. She rubbed her eyes for a second and then blinked again and I could see her sort of fully wake up.

“Mmm, good morning,” she said in a sleepy voice.

Jeeze, that smile! I swear I was turning into the sappiest guy in the world. If any other guys ever found out they’d probably revoke my guy status entirely! That smile just melts me into this puddle of, well...sap, I guess. I’m not much of a poet.

“How’s the most beautiful girl in the world this morning?” I asked, hiding the seriousness of that statement behind my normal joke-guy smile.

“Mmm, dunno,” she answered as she stretched. “I’ll ask her if I ever meet her.”

“Well, there’s a mirror in the bathroom, so you’ll see her pretty soon,” I gave my typical reply.

Yes, we’re totally mushy, but I don’t care. I felt like I should be in a romance novel—that’s how totally head-over-heels I am for this girl. Plus, the smile she gives me when I say stuff like that is totally worth my complete loss of any macho-guy credibility.

She moved up to kiss me just like I knew she would. It’s funny how morning breath becomes a non-issue if it means going without Willow-smoochies.

Kissing Willow is such an amazing thing. I never really kissed a girl before Willow, other than a peck on the lips kind of thing. It seems kinda weird to think that rubbing lips and tongues would be so great, but it is. We sometimes get into making out and, like, time just flies by—we’ve been late to school twice because we got into the kissing and lost all concept of time. Twice may not seem like that bad, but for Will, being late for school or missing school is worse than almost anything. The thought of getting detention scares her more than fighting vampires. I’ve actually gotten suspicious looks from my first period teacher ’cause I’ve been on time to class so often lately.

We were both breathing hard when we finally stopped kissing. Then Willow looked down at me with this excited, hopeful look on her face and she asked, “You wanna...you know?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Will, seriously, do you think I’ll ever say no to that question?”

She pouted a little and said, “Well, I was raised to be polite, and it’s polite to ask before you...”

She blushed. I so love this girl.

“Before you ravish someone?” I teased, just because I wanted to see her blush even harder. And, of course, she did. “Baby, you have my permission to ravish away!”

“Xander!” she protested, slapping my chest lightly.

I managed to get rid of that annoyed look on her face just by covering her left breast with the palm of my hand. She closed her eyes and hummed: one of the many noises she makes during sex that just drives me wild. I love how she is so shy about stuff—especially in public—but when we’re making love, well...I never have to wonder how I’m making her feel.

She says she’s ‘extremely vocal.’ I just say she’s a screamer.

It’s a good thing her parents are gone, like, ninety-five percent of the time, ’cause we could never have sneaky, parents-in-the-house sex.

“How, exactly, would you like to be ravished this morning?” I asked her, trying for a deep sexy voice.

Oh my God! That look in her eyes...if I wasn’t already hard, I would have been in a heartbeat when she looked at me like that.

“Like this,” she said, rolling onto her back, tugging on my shoulder to have me roll on top of her.

Yep, Willow’s a missionary girl. We do other stuff too, but she really seems to like me on top, with lots of kissing and eye contact, and hey; there’s no bad there!

I let her pull me, moving myself so I was between her legs, supporting myself on one elbow while I lined up to sink myself inside. I pushed up against her and she was so wet, just from us kissing! I think we’re matched really well; just her kissing me gets me very ‘ready,’ and somehow I have the same effect on her.

Every time we’re about to make love, there’s this moment right before I slide in where time seems to stand still—like the two of us are the only people on the whole planet. I looked into Willow’s eyes and saw so much love there that I had trouble breathing for a second.

“Willow, I love you so much,” I whispered.

“Oh, Xander! I love you too! I want you inside me so badly!”

I could feel my whole body buzzing with this intense...‘happy anticipation’ is the closest I can come to describing it. That’s what Willow called it when I described it to her. She said she felt the same way. She said that the other stuff we do is fun and exciting and sexy, but this—being face to face and joining together—was something more special than that.

As I pushed inside her, I knew she was right; it was more special than anything—it was too perfect for words. Moving inside this perfect girl, I remembered once again how incredibly lucky I was. I don’t know if I will ever stop kicking myself for being blind for so long. Staring into her eyes, I can’t believe I ever looked at this girl and didn’t see the beauty, the pure sexy goodness that is Willow Rosenberg.

I leaned in and kissed my girlfriend, trying to put all my apologies and my commitment to make up for everything into the kiss. I just kept thinking how much I love her over and over as I devoured her mouth. Not that she just lay there, or anything. No, my Willow is not a passive kisser, and she did plenty of devouring herself.

“Nugh! Harder!” she grunted out, breaking off the kiss at last. “Please, Xander? I need more!”

Like I could ever deny her. Begging just turned me on even more and I started slamming myself into her, like I wanted to drive her through the bed or something. She gave as good as she got, wrapping her legs around my lower back and pulling herself onto me in a matching rhythm.

I knew she was close when she started making this high-pitched sound each time our bodies crashed together. It was somewhere between a grunt and a cry, and it took all I had in me not to speed up when I heard it. It sounded so damn sexy, and I knew I was pretty close myself. However, I’ve learned that if I can maintain this pace, it’s just slow enough that I can keep from cumming for a long time, but it’s enough to get her off. So, as long as I can keep some self control, I can always be sure my girl gets to cum first.

Suddenly, she started wailing my name, drawing it out, “Xaaaaannnnnderrrr!”

“Oh God!” I groaned, frantically trying to keep it together.

See, even though I’ve learned this fabulous key to getting Willow off, it’s really, really hard to use it. She starts with that wailing and it’s like I can feel it shoot straight to my dick. Then she starts scratching her nails across my back, and I can’t tell you how much that excites me. Who knew? I don’t know if it’s the pain, or just that she’s losing control, but it freaking sets me off! Thank God she only does it when she’s about to cum.

And then she started screaming, and I could feel her clenching me inside her so tight...that was the end of any kind of rhythm. I started shouting her name as I pumped so fast...I don’t think she was even done before I was pouring into her. I’m not sure, ’cause my brain was pretty much being blasted out of my body through my cock at that moment. I know I collapsed onto her, and then rolled us over so I didn’t crush her, and then there were these sloppy, panting kisses as we came back down.

All in all it was like a wonderful routine. We’ve learned each other’s bodies pretty well; even though it’s been just around six weeks, we’ve done this like thirty times or so. I suppose it might get boring someday, if it was all we ever did...like in twenty or thirty years or so.

Nah, I don’t think I could ever get bored of making love to Willow like that.

“Xander?”

“Yeah, Will?”

“Do you ever think that we...do it too much?” she asked, taking a deep breath as she recovered from her release.

“Too much?” At first I just laughed, “Willow I’m a seventeen year old guy. There is no such thing as too much sex...I don’t think it’s possible.”

“What do you mean, it’s not possible?” she asked, sounding startled.

That’s my Willow—very literal gal.

“Baby, there’s only twenty four hours in a day—that’s not enough time to make love too much.” I tried to explain my theory.

The look on her face was one of confusion.

“We’d have to make love for at least forty or fifty hours straight each day before it would be too much. There’s just not that many hours in the day!”

That got me a smile. Suddenly though, I realized that maybe she wasn’t thinking the same way...uh oh. Then I was worried.

“Uh, Will? Do you think we do it too much?”

She definitely heard the worry in my voice, or saw the fear on my face, or both, ’cause she started shaking her head really fast. “No! No, not too much...I mean, we do it all the time, but not *all* the time; it just—I hear other girls talking about their boyfriends, and either they don’t do it at all, or they just do it every once in a while, but not very often; in fact, I kinda get the impression that a lot of the girls—most really—don’t like to do it at all, and they especially don’t like to use their mouths; though, it’s strange that I haven’t heard any of them talking about their boyfriends using their mouths—”

Babbling Willow, cute as it is, usually means nervous or worried Willow, and that’s a bad thing.

“Will!” I interrupted, putting my finger on her lips. “Baby, you gotta remember to breathe every once in a while, or you’ll get all light-headed, okay?”

“Oh, okay,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Sorry.”

She blushed, which I really think is sexy on her. Of course, I’m biased; I think everything is sexy on her.

“Willow,” I whispered, stroking her back up and down ’cause I know she likes it a lot, and it usually calms her down. “What’s wrong, what’s got you all worried all of a sudden?”

She hugged me really tight and her voice was a kind of high-pitched, little-girl voice. “I always want you so much, Xander. I worry sometimes...that maybe I’m...I’m too needy, or something.”

She took a deep breath, and my heart clenched tight because I could hear the shuddering sound that meant she was on the verge of crying.

“I mean, I...I get antsy when I can’t be with you,” she whispered embarrassedly, as though it was a dirty little secret. “Like those nights when Mom and Dad were home? I didn’t feel right...I didn’t sleep very well, and I thought I was gonna go nuts ’cause I wanted you so badly.”

I remembered. I was pretty worked up too by the time they were finally ready to leave. Willow jumped me right on the living room floor two seconds after her mom and dad walked out the front door; I didn’t worry for even a heartbeat that they could come back in the house and catch us...I just had to have her. I needed her just as badly as she needed me.

“You think it’s just you?” I asked softly, trying to reassure her. “Do you remember when you staked that vamp in the back the other night?”

“Yeah?” she said with a confused frown, like I was changing the subject.

“I had to put my hands in my pockets and squeeze my eyes shut for a minute there, ’cause I was so wanting to drag you behind the Puertaverde mausoleum and make love to you right there in the cemetery!” I said, feeling tears in my own eyes. “I seriously think that if Giles and Buffy weren’t there I might have done it.”

“Really?” she asked in this excited voice, like I’d just complimented her shoes or something, not like I’d just said I wanted to have sex with her in a graveyard.

I shook my head, “Don’t you get it yet, Willow? I need you at least as bad as you need me!”

I do too. Sometimes I have this nightmare sometimes where she realizes that she’s a brilliant, beautiful woman who has hitched herself to a total slacker-loser, and then she dumps me like yesterday’s news. I wake up in a cold sweat and I get so freaked out that I can’t go back to sleep. I have to just lie there and stare at her until I can convince myself that it was only a dream. Thank God I haven’t had that dream on the couple nights we’ve slept apart...I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had woken up and she wasn’t there.

Yeah, I’ve got issues; tell me something I don’t already know.

“You know, maybe those girls you hear talking like they don’t like it. Maybe it’s because the guys aren’t doing their jobs, you know?” I said as I stared into those beautiful hazel eyes.

“What do you mean?” she asked with that cute little scrunchy look her nose gets when she’s confused.

“Well, you know, I hear guys brag about ‘nailing this chick’ or ‘scoring with that chick,’ but I never hear any of them talking about how the girl felt.” I can’t help but stroke Willow’s face as I say the last part.

I saw that she still wasn’t getting it. She’s just not a selfish person—or, at least, not very selfish, anyway. Always thinking about how other people feel.

“God, I love you, Willow.” I said with a laugh. “Look, if I was gonna brag about you and me having sex, I wouldn’t talk about how many times I ‘nailed’ you.”

“You’d better not!” Willow said with a look of annoyance on her face. It pretty quickly turned into a smile though. “So, hypothetically speaking, if you were gonna brag, what would you say?”

Then she licked her lips.

I don’t know if she does it on purpose, but seeing her lick those sexy pink lips always makes me want to lick them too. So, I did.

By the time we broke the kiss, I was ‘ready’ again. Yeah, I know...it doesn’t take much.

“Hmm, what was the question?” I asked, my mind focused once again, as usual, less on talking and more on ‘doing.’

“What would you say, if you were going to brag?” Willow asked in a breathy whisper.

Oh yeah, bragging.

“Well...” I said, moving my hand down Will’s back until I was squeezing one taut little ass-cheek. “Hypothetically?”

She gasped just a little as I squeezed, and panted, “Yeah, hypothetically.”

“Hmm, I would say...” I gave her ass another quick squeeze and then reached down, sliding my finger between her thighs and stroking that warm, slippery skin. “That I’m so good, I can make my lover scream my name loud enough to wake the neighbors.”

“Xander!” she squealed.

I slid my middle finger inside her, distracting her from being too annoyed.

“Oohh...that only happened...unh! That only, mmm...happened ’cause yunh...you left the w-w-window...open!”

Oh, how I love distracting Willow!

She gave up on chastising me and decided to kiss me instead. Now, that’s a plan I can fully support!

When we broke the kiss this time she was cross-eyed and panting hard. Those guys are idiots for bragging about getting laid. Have they ever made their girlfriend go cross-eyed and panting? I doubt it!

“Ungh! Wanna...unh...make me sc-ream agai...again?” she gasped out. Pretty much one of the sexiest questions I’ve ever heard!

Hmm, maybe we do do it too much.

Nah!

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I spent about an hour that morning trying to come up with some elaborate story that would get me away from Willow long enough to try and do some shopping for her Christmas present. Every time I came up with something, I got this horrible feeling that she would see through it and realize I was lying to her and it would be this whole big thing. So, I’d try to come up with something better, something she wouldn’t see through.

I’m pretty stupid sometimes.

I finally figured it out when I was telling myself that, even if she did figure it out, she’d forgive me when I told her why I’d lied...then it struck me. Hey, why not just tell her the truth?

I just asked her if I could borrow Buffy for the morning so I could get some help finding the perfect gift for her. It’s not as if I have any guy friends, and if I did, I don’t think they could help me find the perfect gift for Willow. Aside from reassuring me again that I didn’t need to get her a Christmas present, she didn’t put up any fuss at all. Oh, she did say that I had to let her have Buffy for the afternoon to shop for my present. Of course, I immediately had visions of Victoria’s Secret filling my head. Fortunately—and frankly, surprisingly—I managed to keep from making any comments that would get me in trouble.

Just on general principles, she smacked me on the arm and told me to stop thinking dirty thoughts.

Does she know me or what?

I don’t think she’d ever threaten me with withholding sex...she seems to need it as bad as I do. Still, I never, *ever* want to find out. I’m so totally whipped. Any guy that says he isn’t, is either not getting any, or he’s completely retarded. Not only do I happily bow before my girlfriend, I gladly put my mouth to good work while I’m there!

Buffy was cool with helping, other than complaining about having to spend a whole day shopping...mmhm. Willow and I were both like, ‘Shyeah, right!’

So there I was waiting for Lady Buffy to answer the door.

“Xander, hello,” Mrs. Summers said as she opened the door. Suddenly she got a confused look on her face and looked around the porch. “Where’s Willow?” she asked.

“Um, hi. Willow’s not here. She’s at home...” I answered.

A worried frown overtook Mrs. Summers’ lips and she asked, “Is she okay? Is she sick? What’s wrong?”

“Um, no she’s fine...nothing’s wrong...” I slowly said. Buffy’s mom was kinda freaking me out all of a sudden.

She reacted like I’d said something else entirely—exactly what, I have no clue. She looked at me suspiciously for a second and then stepped back into the house, waving me in. “You’re sure she’s okay? The two of you are okay?” she asked.

“Um, yeah, Will’s great, I’m great, we’re just great.” I said, still freaking a little.

Buffy came clattering down the stairs the way she always does. I don’t remember ever seeing her just slowly come down the stairs, except if she was really depressed or something.

“Hey, Xan,” she chirped.

“Hey, Buff,” I said back, still keeping Mrs. Summers in my line of sight.

“Whoa!” Buffy said, sounding surprised. “It’s XanandWill, but no Will.”

“I know,” Mrs. Summers agreed. “I wasn’t sure they could actually walk without leaning on each other for support, or at least holding hands to make sure they don’t fall down.”

I could feel myself blushing as I looked between the two Summers ladies. Buffy was trying, but failing to hide a smirk. Her mom was completely deadpan. I glared at them both and grumbled, “Ha ha, very funny. Seriously, you two should leave the humor to professionals.”

Buffy laughed out loud, and Mrs. Summers finally smiled. “Oh please, Xan. We so got you!” Buffy crowed.

“Yeah, well...you need more work, I saw the smirk,” I taunted back. “Your mom, however, totally sold it. I probably would never have figured it out if it wasn’t for you.”

Now her mom was smirking. See, Buff? When you’re a pro, you can turn these momentary failures around just like that.

“Hey!” she called with a pout. “Did you want my help or not?”

Ah, resorting to threats, the last recourse of the incompetent. However, if I said that out loud, threats might give way to actual violence, and hey! Call me the cowardly lion, but I’m seriously not in the mood for Slayer related violence to be directed my way right now. Or ever, for that matter.

“All right, Alan Funt, lets go do some damage to my frail finances!”
 

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Part 2

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Shopping with the Buffster was nice. Not as nice as if Willow was with us, but still. I like spending time with Buffy too. It doesn’t take long with her to remember why I had such a crush on her for so long. She’s fun, she’s beautiful, and—when she’s not moping over Deadboy’s latest malfunction—she’s incredibly happy and bubbly.

“You know, I’m pretty sure Willow doesn’t care what you get her for Christmas,” Buffy said, giggling at my expression as I checked out the price tag on a bracelet at the jewelry store. “Didn’t she tell you—like a hundred times—that you don’t need to get her anything at all?”

“Uh huh. That’s a trick you girls like to play on us guys—tell us we don’t need to shower you with presents, then when we’re stupid enough to believe you, you pout for days—but won’t tell us why!” I teased her. “I’ve seen plenty of TV shows where that happens, and I’m not falling for it!”

Buffy laughed out loud at that. Yes, I’ve still got it! Say what you will about muscles and athletic prowess, I still believe in making them laugh. Not that it ever worked for me—except for Willow. But then, that’s all I ever needed—I was just a little slow in figuring it out.

“Seriously, Xander,” Buffy said when she could form coherent words again. “I don’t think she wants you to feel like you have to get her something—she only told me about a thousand times how much she loves those books you got her for Hanukkah...”

“Yeah, I did good on that one,” I said—not with pride, though there was a little of that—mostly it was just that I was so happy that she liked them as much as she did.

“So what’s the deal?” Buffy asked curiously. “You’re not going to top that one anyway.”

We walked out of the store and headed along the mall while I thought about how to answer that.

Finally I asked, “Did you have a nice Christmas last year?”

She looked at me questioningly, but answered anyway. “Not so much. Mom and Dad were finalizing their divorce, and I had just been called as the Slayer.”

Ouch, bad example.

“How about the ones before that; any merry Christmases in there?” I tried again.

She frowned at me, but still played along. “Yeah, there were some nice ones...mostly nice in fact. What does that have to do with anything?”

“Everything. It has everything to do with it.”

I felt my throat get tight as I remembered all the Christmases past.

Coughing to clear my throat, I tried to say it without sounding all weepy. “Suffice it to say that Christmas in the Harris house leaves a lot to be desired. I want this year to be different. I know Willow doesn’t celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday, but she’s going to be there, with me, just like I was there with her at Hanukkah, and I want this year to be special...”

Buffy got this ‘aww’ look on her face and I had to look away or I’d have cried for sure.

“I know she means it when she says I don’t have to get her anything, but I need to...for me. I want to give her a present not just ’cause it’s expected, or ’cause it’s what you do...it’s because *I* need to, because she’s so important to me that I can’t not give her one. I’ve never felt that way before...”

And then dry eyes weren’t an option and I had to try and nonchalantly wipe off my cheeks.

“I want her to have something that...every time she looks at it, she can’t help but think of me and smile,” I said with a rough voice that I just knew totally blew away my already iffy masculine image.

“And so it is that I am here with my ‘bestest bud that isn’t Willow’ in the whole world, braving the madness that is last minute Christmas shopping at Sunnydale mall,” I said, trying to lighten things back up a little.

I looked at Buffy and saw that she wasn’t buying the return of joke-guy. She put one hand on my arm and said, “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard in my life!”

“Hey, don’t let it get out; I’m already on shaky ground with the other guys.” I whispered conspiratorially.

Buffy, of course, ignored me. “You...you’re really in love with her aren’t you?” she asked as if surprised. “I mean, I knew you loved her...”

Am I in love with Willow!? Does a bear doo-doo in the woods? Does the Pope wear funny hats? Is the sky blue? Is...well, you get the point. Heck yeah, I’m in love with her!

She must have seen it on my face, ’cause I didn’t even have to answer, she just gave a great big girly squeal of excitement and threw her arms around me in a big hug.

“Xander! That’s so awesome!” she cried. She let go of me and was bouncing on her toes as she pronounced, “Consider me totally on board! We shall go forth and let nothing stop us in our quest to find the perfect gift for Willow.”

“For under fifty dollars,” I added sheepishly, earning a seriously dirty look.

Hey, I was in love, but I was also broke.
 

========== BtVS ========== BtVS ========== BtVS ========== BtVS ========== BtVS ==========

“Xander! Why don’t you just get it already, you’ve only come back to look at it like three times now!” Buffy whined. “Come on, we’re supposed to meet Willow for lunch in, like, ten minutes!”

“I dunno, you don’t think it’s kind of lame?” I asked. I mean, it’s a heart pendant. Don’t all guys get their girlfriends one of these?

“It’s totally not lame, Xander! It’s sterling silver, it’s a locket—you can put your picture in it,” she said, trying to sell me on the heart being the perfect gift. “It comes with a sterling chain, and it’s under fifty bucks! It’s everything you’re looking for.”

I just wasn’t sure. It felt like there was something missing.

Buffy at last seemed to have had enough of my indecision. She crossed her arms and gave me a look that made me thankful that my own heart was not among the un-beating, lest I quickly find a stake planted in it.

“Alexander Harris, either buy the pendant, or put it back, ’cause we’re going now,” she said in no uncertain terms.

“Umm, I have to think about it some more,” I said with an apologetic smile to the sales lady behind the counter, as I handed back the necklace.

“Ugh! I swear, Xander,” Buffy said disgustedly as she grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the store.

Being dragged around physically by Buffy used to be in my top ten fantasies. It’s funny how love can make you a completely different person.

“Sorry, Buff, it’s just...It’s Willow. It has to be perfect,” I said, trying to somehow convey what I just couldn’t put into words.

She stopped and looked at me, staring at my face until I started to get uncomfortable.

After a while her expression softened and she quietly said, “Xander, if I was in love, and the box I unwrapped had one of those inside, I’d think it was pretty darn perfect.”

“Yeah?” I asked feeling torn with indecision. “You’re not just saying that ’cause you’re sick of shopping with me?”

“Xan, I’m through shopping with you today, either way,” Buffy reminded me. “So why would I say it if it wasn’t true?”

With that she turned and walked away, heading for the food court.

I, of course, hurried to catch up—Willow was probably already there, and I didn’t want to keep her waiting.

“Hey, Buff...”

“Yeah?” she asked.

I could hear just a little bit of something like frustration or annoyance in her tone, but she was hiding it well, and that made me feel bad that I was just then going to say what I should have said a bunch of times already. “Thanks.”

“For what?” she asked. She sounded a little confused.

“You know, for giving up your Saturday to help me shop for Willow.”

She tilted her head and looked at me like she was trying to figure out a math problem or something.

“What?” I asked, now a little confused myself. “I can’t say thanks?”

“No, it’s not...never mind,” she said, shaking her head. Her confused expression dropped away and she smiled at me, saying, “You’re welcome. It was fun—mostly.”

“Hey!” I groused at her little smirk. I know she was referencing my indecisiveness with the locket. “This is hard, you know? I’ve never felt like this for anyone before...I just want her to be happy. I want to see that great big Willow-smile. If she opens up her present and I see that smile...that’ll be my Christmas present.”

It took a minute for my little fantasy to play out before I again focused on Buffy. She had that look on her face again, like she was trying to figure out something.

“Yeah, I know; I’m a total sap,” I admitted. I just knew I was blushing—I could feel my face getting hot.

Buffy smiled slightly as she shook her head. “You’re a good guy, Xander. I never—” she paused, and then changed whatever she was going to say. Instead she smiled even bigger and said, “Willow’s a lucky girl to have you.”

I couldn’t help grinning like a fool—which some would argue isn’t much of a stretch. “I dunno, Buff. I try, but I know I’m really the lucky one!”

I’m lucky she waited for me. It’s not like I ever gave her any reason, but she waited for me until I pulled my head out of my ass and noticed her for what she’d always been...my perfect girl. Now I just had to do everything I could for the rest of my life to be her perfect man.
 

========== BtVS ========== BtVS ========== BtVS ========== BtVS ========== BtVS ==========

I knew Joyce and Buffy's teasing from this morning was pretty true when we got within sight of the food court. I could see Willow sitting at a table on the outer edge and she was looking back and forth up and down the mall...obviously she was missing me. I knew this because my heart started beating harder as soon as I laid my eyes on her. I’d missed her too.

Kinda pathetic, I know. We spend like four hours apart and we’re both feeling the withdrawal.

“What’s got you grinning so big all of a sudden?” Buffy asked me.

“Willow,” I explained, pointing toward her.

“Where?” she asked, rising up onto her tip-toes in a futile effort to see over the mass of people between us and the food-court.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

She stopped walking and stood in front of me with her hands on her hips. “What? What’s funny?” she demanded, glaring at me.

“Nothing, Buff,” I said, totally lying and not hiding it very well.

Her glare turned into a pout and she complained, “Being short sucks!”

“Hmm, now I know what to get you for Christmas...stilts!” I teased.

She just glared again.

“Come on, short-stuff, Willow's waiting!” I said, herding her forward once more.

Yeah, I knew I was probably digging my own grave, but I couldn’t help myself. I’m stupid like that. Besides, I really wanted some Willow-kissage.

Fortunately, it looked like any Xander-ass kicking was going to be postponed because she was too busy sputtering over the short-stuff comment to think straight.

As we got closer, my smile turned into a frown. Willow was talking to someone—specifically a male someone. Short, with kinda messy red hair...he looked familiar somehow.

“Hey, is that Oz?” Buffy asked, apparently able to see through the crowd now that we were closer.

“Oz?” I asked. I knew I’d seen the guy before, and the name was really familiar.

“Yeah, you know,” she said, despite the fact that I clearly didn’t. “Remember those tracker-assassins Spike hired to kill me?”

How sad is it that I didn’t even raise an eyebrow at that question? “Yeah,” I answered.

“Oz is that guy that tackled Willow when the shooting started during the job-fair thingy,” she explained.

“Oh yeah.” I remembered feeling more scared than I pretty much had ever felt before when they were telling me about that. Crap, I definitely gotta shake this guy’s hand and thank him. He literally saved my life when he saved Willow like that.

“You know, I think he’s kinda got a thing for Willow,” Buffy tossed out all of a sudden.

My heart definitely skipped a beat.

“Better watch out, Xan; you might have some competition,” she added in an altogether too pleased voice.

For just a moment, my nightmare scenario popped up in my head—the one where Willow realizes I’m a loser and dumps me for someone else. Fortunately what little brain I’ve got kicked in immediately.

“No way,” I said, and hey, I sounded pretty convincing there.

“What, you don’t think Willow's good enough to attract anyone else?” Buffy said, now sounding annoyed again.

“Are you insane?” I asked. “Of course she is...any guy with eyes and a working brain would be interested in her!” That of course left out most of the population of Sunnydale High School, including me for quite a while there.

“Huh?” she asked, obviously confused by my response.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve Willow—heck, I probably don’t deserve her at all,” I tried to explain. “But, for whatever reason, she loves me. Do you seriously think she’d just throw that away for some random guy?”

“Um, no,” she said, again giving me that weird look she’d been wearing on and off all morning.

“I figure, the only way I could lose Willow is if I did something really, really, really stupid,” I went on. “And, yeah, I know—not outside the realms of possibility with me—but I’m gonna work really, really hard to not do that.”

“Wow,” she said with a little sigh.

“Come on, I am desperately in need of some Willow-kissage!” I prompted, again herding her in the right direction.

By the time we were within thirty feet of the table, Willow noticed us coming and I saw her face light up. God, how I felt at the sight—I can’t even describe it...so happy and warm and good and really looking forward to kissing my girl.

Next thing I knew, I was doing just that—no memory of covering that last bit of distance. I thought I heard Buffy talking to that Oz guy, but I could have been wrong because I was totally focused on the taste of Willow's lips, and the feel of her tongue against mine. It was all cherry lip-gloss and mocha Willowy-goodness.

When we finally came up for air and I looked into her eyes...I definitely am the biggest sap in the world and damn happy to be!

“I missed you!” she said in that adorable little-girl voice.

“Me too, I missed you!” I whispered intently.

“Alright you too, PDA alert,” Buffy's voice snapped us out of our happy little ‘just the two of us’ world. “Remember, you’re at the mall, not alone here, guys.”

Poor Willow, one look at the large number of people staring at us and she lit up like a light. I know she hates blushing, especially in public, but I thought it was just too cute for words.

“Oops, sorry,” she said to Buffy, who also seemed to appreciate a good Willow-blush if the smile on her face was any indication.

People around us went back to eating and I turned to look at Oz. Yep, the look on his face told me Buffy was right; he was definitely interested in Willow. Thank God I pulled my head out when I did...just think, I could have lost her to a guy like this. Even Willow wouldn’t have waited forever—heck I’m lucky she waited as long as she did!

“Hey; Oz, right?” I said, sticking my hand out toward the short little guy.

“Yeah,” he nodded as he shook my hand. Enthusiasm definitely lacking there, but who could blame him?

“Man, I gotta thank you,” I said, ignoring his lukewarm response. “I owe you big-time for saving Willow a few weeks ago!”

“Right, psycho-cop lady,” he replied with a light shrug.

“Yeah, anyway...” Hmm, talk about unemotional guy. “I can’t ever repay you for that, but there’s anything I can do for you, just let me know, ’kay?”

“Sure, right...look, I gotta run, guys. Band practice,” he said, still not showing any emotion at all.

“Oh, well, it was good seeing you again,” Willow said, sounding genuinely disappointed that he was leaving.

I don’t think she caught on that he was hitting on her. I have no doubt Buffy would rectify that as soon as we were done with lunch and she got my girl alone. In the mean time, I was going to try and get enough Willow-fix to last me through the afternoon.

I’m pretty sure by the time Buffy got done with her later this afternoon, we were both gonna need to ‘reconnect,’ if you know what I mean.
 

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Part 3

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I still feel a little strange hanging out at Willow’s house when she’s not around. It’s not a huge deal, but...I mean it’s not my house. When Willow’s there, it isn’t even an issue—I do pretty much live there after all. Of course, if Willow’s parents ever figured that out, I’m pretty sure they’d kill me, but fortunately they aren’t around much, let alone enough to know about Willow and me. Anyway, I stood by the window watching for her to get home and trying to ignore the weirdness that is me hanging out there by myself.

Besides, my only other option was to go home to my own house. There are several reasons why I’d rather put up with the Willow’s-house wiggins rather than be at the Harris household. One: there’s no Willow at my house—not ever. My house is happily one hundred percent Willow-free. Happily for her, that is, because reasons two and three—my mom and dad—are not particularly conducive to a happy Willow. Dad’s usually drunk and wouldn’t think twice about hitting on any female friend I would be stupid enough to take home. That’s part of the reason Mom wouldn’t think twice about laying into any girl I took home—calling her a slut or worse right off the bat. The other part is ’cause she’s usually just as drunk as Dad.

If Mom called Willow a slut or a whore, I don’t know what I’d do. If Dad hit on Willow—and his version of ‘hitting on’ is asking how much they charge for sex—I’m pretty sure I’d kill him. Literally.

Prison would seriously cut into my Willow-snuggles.

Actually, I did go home just long enough dodge the drunks and hide Willow’s Christmas present. I finally went with the locket. I decided that Buffy was probably right, that Willow would like it for what it represented as much—or hopefully even more—than for it’s value as a nice piece of jewelry. I got the back engraved and that just left finding a picture for the inside and then wrapping it. I think she knows how much I love her, but like I told Buffy, I wanted this to be as perfect as possible.

When I saw her quickly walking down the sidewalk, any feeling outside of the joy I get seeing my girl was quickly forgotten.

The moment she was in the door, she started babbling. “Oh my gosh, Xander! Buffy told me that Oz was hitting on me, even though I don’t think she’s right, it’s not like I’d be interested, I mean you know I’d never—”

How like my Willow to be stressing about that. I’d almost forgotten it even happened myself, but not her—not when she thought I’d be worried about it.

I cut her off by pulling her into my arms and kissing her—my favorite way of interrupting Willow-babble. Not that I mind a little Willow-babble now and then; it’s one of her defining characteristics and just one more thing about her to love.

But, there’s no way I’m going to leave her hanging when she has even the slightest thought that I might be upset with her...I mean, teasing is one thing but there’s no way I’m ever going to play head games with Willow!

“Baby, he was totally hitting on you,” I whispered after breaking for air. “I’m not surprised, ’cause you’re totally hit-on-able.”

She looked like she was torn between the ‘aww’ response she gets whenever I get mushy, and the desire to challenge my admittedly made-up word.

“And I know you’d never...you’re Willow. I might have nightmares like that sometimes, but I know they’re just nightmares. I trust you completely.”

I could tell she was gonna give in to the ‘aww.’

Her lower lip stuck out just a little as she did that unconscious sexy-pout thing she does that makes my heart skip a beat, and then she hugged me tight. “I love you so much, Xander,” she whispered, sounding almost like she was on the edge of tears. “And you are too worth it!” she said louder, addressing my dumb-brain’s automatic response that I wasn’t worth her love.

She knows me so well it isn’t even funny.

“And you are too hit-on-able,” I responded with a grin. After all, I know her pretty well too.

“Xander!” she said, slapping my arm and rolling her eyes. “That isn’t even a word!”

“Is too!” I argued. “It’s in the dictionary, in fact, there’s even a picture of you right next to it.”

She rolled her eyes again.

“It is!” I protested dramatically. “It’s in Xander’s New International Unabridged Collegiate Dictionary, 1998 Edition.”

She giggled, shaking her head.

“So, did you gals have fun shopping?” I asked to change the subject.

Oh boy! The way she blushed bright red instantly gave me visions of Willow in the Victoria’s Secret dressing room—an extremely fond fantasy of mine—and the corresponding possibility of a very happy Xander present: Lingerie-wrapped Willow for Christmas!

“O-oh, it was...uh...nice,” she said, stammering nervously. “I mean, we had fun—um, I don’t mean fun in the sense of...uh, it was just normal fun, fun shopping, not any other kind of...that is, yes. Yes to your question. There was fun and we had it.”

Okay, naughty lace-covered Willow thoughts were suddenly replaced with confusion.

“What’s wrong, Will?” I asked. “You’re kinda wigging me out.”

She took my hand and pulled me over to the couch. We sat down and she dropped her eyes down to where her hands were wringing together in her lap.

“Hey, come on...you know you can tell me anything,” I prompted. I was definitely getting the Wiggins there.

“Promise you won’t get mad?” she asked me in a small, high voice.

Whoa! She wasn’t...no we’d just had that conversation.

“Promise,” I answered, taking her hands in mine to try and calm her down.

“Okay,” she said, then took a deep breath and slowly let it out before continuing. “We were trying on some, uh...clothes...and I opened the door and asked her how I looked in this one, um, outfit, and she,” she trailed off, blushing again.

“She what?” I prompted, definitely wanting the story to continue. I was still confused, but scene-reenactment part of my brain had Willow all wrapped up in lace again.

“She turned around to look at me and...and...juststoodtherestaringatme!” she finished in a rush.

Fortunately I have advanced Willow-babble translation skills.

“She stared at you?” I repeated.

“For like half a minute!” she answered. “Then she, um, licked her lips.”

“Liked her lips?” I again repeated, a little stunned myself.

“Yeah. Really slowly,” she added.

Gulp!

“Then what?” my voice was seriously dry and raspy.

“Well, I was kinda freaked out a little and I just said ‘Buffy?’ and she kinda jerked and looked away, blushing more than I think I’ve ever seen her blush before,” she answered.

“Even more than that time at the Pump, after our first night, when she made you tell her details?” I asked, half in teasing but half serious too.

“Way more,” she answered, completely seriously.

Holy cow! Buffy blushed every time she even looked at me for like a week after that incident. “Did she say anything?” I wondered aloud.

“She just said I looked really good...but her voice was all raspy and stuff,” she answered.

Oh, hi there, Mr. Libido!

“Wow, what did you say to her?” I asked, shocked and starting to get a little aroused.

She looked up at me for the first time since we sat down. “Nothing! I just let the door close and changed. But, I...” she again trailed off, blushing.

“What?” I asked gently, trying to be concerned boyfriend, not horny pig-man.

“I got kinda...turned on,” she finished in a whisper, dropping her eyes once again to her lap.

Oink oink, squeeeeeal!

“You’re not mad?” she said in a nervous little voice.

“Nope!” I gave a strangled reply. The extremely uncomfortable hard-on in my pants would have given lie to any ‘yes’ answer, even if I’d been inclined to say it.

Her eyes started to move back up toward mine, but Little Xan acted like a road-block.

She reached forward to run her hand over my denim-covered dick and I couldn’t restrain a loud moan.

“Xander Harris! Is this ’cause Buffy was checking me out? Were you picturing the two of us doing stuff?” she demanded, staring me in the eyes.

“Weren’t you?” I blurted out, kicking myself immediately after.

Fortunately, she didn’t get even more pissed off; she just blushed and glanced over toward the hallway. “You wanna?” she asked softly, whatever anger she’d felt clearly forgotten.

“Oh yeah!” I grunted. I had a feeling this one wasn’t going to be soft and slow.

My brain was totally slammed with lust as we hurried to the bedroom. Willow was clearly feeling the same way ’cause she was shedding clothes on the way, and she almost always waits till we get to her room before taking off anything.

I was definitely in horny pig-man mode and I pretty much took charge. I didn’t bother asking her what she wanted, I just bent her over so she was half standing, half leaning over onto her bed and I dropped to my knees behind her and started sucking on her wet pussy like a starving man dropped into an ‘all you can eat’ buffet.

She was sticky wet and I knew she must have been more than a little turned on when Buffy was checking her out. That was how she got when we’d make out at the movie theater and had to wait till we got back to her place to do anything about it—like she didn’t have any time to clean up in-between.

Even though I hated the delay too, I loved how that waiting-period would make her smell and taste even stronger and better than usual.

“God, Xander! Yes! So good!” she grunted out loud, her crotch grinding against my face.

Hmm, horny pig-girl too, it seemed.

Before I could finish, she jumped up onto the bed and practically yelled at me, “In now, Xander! Like this!”

I don’t know if it was possible to get any stiffer, but seeing her like that, face down on the bed, her hands already gripping the sheets in her fists and her butt sticking up in the air—hips humping up and down...I felt my dick throb so hard it hurt.

Good thing I got her part way there with my mouth, ’cause it wasn’t going to take long.

I draped over her like a Xander-blanket, thrusting in and out of her so fast that it sounded like I was spanking her when my lap hit her cheeks.

“Yes, yes! So yours!” she screamed all of a sudden, cumming hard.

I realized I’d been chanting “Mine!” over and over when I stopped to shout her name out as I came too.

Possessive much? Damn right!

========== BtVS ========== BtVS ========== BtVS ========== BtVS ========== BtVS ==========

“If I got turned on when Buffy was checking me out...does that mean I’m gay?”

The intensity of the moment had apparently been too much for either of us, because we fell asleep spooned naked on top of the sheets on her bed. When we woke up, we came to silent agreement and crawled under the sheets rather than heading for the shower, despite the fact that we definitely could use one.

Then she broke the silence with that question.

“Baby, I think I know what I’m talking about when I say you definitely aren’t gay,” I answered, grinning.

“Xander!” she protested.

“And, if I wasn’t sure,” I went on teasingly, “Seeing you crawl up on the bed with your butt sticking up and demanding that I—”

“Alright, I get it!” she exclaimed, putting her hand over my mouth.

Tomato red would’ve pretty well described her luscious skin right at that moment. My little tomato.

“But it’s not normal, is it?” she asked, returning to the subject. “I mean, Buffy’s a girl and I’m a girl, and doesn’t getting turned on by a girl when you’re a girl usually mean you’re gay? I mean, if I’m not gay, then why did I have lusty naked thoughts about my best friend who’s a girl?”

“Whoa, back up there! Lusty naked thoughts?” I interrupted her rant. I knew she had to be upset if she actually verbalized it that way.

“I, um...uh,” she stammered.

“You had lusty naked thoughts about Buffy?” I again prompted.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, sniffling a little.

Instantly my heart melted, not that I was mad in the first place—just surprised.

“Hey now,” I said softly, pulling her snuggly against me. “Don’t cry, baby, I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?” she asked piteously.

“Of course not,” I said with a lump in my throat.

“But I was thinking...those kind of thoughts...about someone,” she protested mildly. “Someone not you.”

“Do you want to leave me for Buffy?” I asked rhetorically. Willow wouldn’t do that, even if she really did have feelings for Buffy, Willow’d never do something like that.

“No!” she protested a lot stronger. She undulated in my arms, working her way around to face me and stared into my eyes. “Did you think—”

“No, not even for a second,” I interrupted her. “That’s my point.”

“Huh?”

“You had thoughts, not actions. Everybody has thoughts, Will,” I tried to reassure her. “Okay, I admit it’s my inner-pig thinking here, but I have to say that I’m happier knowing you had thoughts about Buffy than someone else...like that Oz guy or something.”

That would have pissed me off. Even though I trust her, it just would have. Definitely a double-standard, but there it is.

“Oz? No...I mean he’s nice and all, and he did save my life, but...no thoughts there.”

I should have been ashamed at how happy I felt about that, but I wasn’t.

“Is that the first time you thought of Buffy like that?” I was really curious.

“Um, no,” she whispered, glancing away from my eyes. “Never like that though. Not that, uh...powerful.”

I’m a bad, bad man.

“What about you? Who do you have thoughts about?” she asked, once again staring into my eyes.

Damn, I should have known that was coming. Immediate thought was that I should lie, but that would have been really stupid and I was supposed to be avoiding stupidity.

“Well, I still think about Buffy like that sometimes,” I admitted.

Right away I saw the hurt in her eyes. I couldn’t help feeling like a jerk, even though it was unavoidable.

“I’ve got to tell you, Will, it’s pretty rare these days,” I went on, hoping she’d see that I was being honest and maybe feel a little better about it. “I mean, you know Buffy is a hottie, and I used to think about her like ninety percent of the time, and the other ten percent was every other woman I ever saw. I’m totally past that now. Ever since Halloween, I’ve woken up to Willow. Like ninety nine percent of my naughty naked thoughts are totally you.”

She didn’t look quite convinced, but I could see that she wanted to believe me.

“Buffy is hot, and sure, there are other girls out there that are hot too, but...they just aren’t you, Will. It isn’t just that you’re so much hotter than anyone else,”

“I am not,” she protested in a whisper. She must have thought I was just trying to be flattering.

“See, you don’t get it, Will,” I corrected her, shaking my head. “To me, you are. It’s not just the sexy hotness that is you, it’s who you are, it’s how well you know me, how well I know you...I can’t look at you without getting turned on...I want you all the time, and you know it. It’s the whole Willow package, and no one—not even the Buffster—can compete.”

I stared into her eyes like I was trying to implant the knowledge, the certainty of my love and desire deep into her soul.

The look of love on her face made me think I’d succeeded.

“Thank you,” she whispered with an intensity that rivaled our recent physical passion. Then, as if that wasn’t enough she kissed me until I was the one gasping for air.

I knew the emotional crisis was past when she giggled and said, “I think we need a shower.”

“I think you’re a genius!” I answered enthusiastically.

“Mmm, come on,” she said, throwing back the sheets and getting out of bed. “I think you need a special Willow-wash,” she added sexily.

“Oh boy!” I gushed as I bounced out of the bed after her.

Nothing says ‘thank you’ like oral sex!

 

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Part 4

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I didn’t want to think about what I was going to do when Christmas break was over. Waking up in Willow’s arms the previous two mornings and realizing that I didn’t have to get up for school...man, that was sweet. On the third weekday morning in a row, I once again hugged her tight to me and snuggled down into the covers, falling back asleep and feeling very happy.

Waking up a couple hours later to the sensation of my lover slowly sucking me off was pretty damn sweet too! I love how she sometimes just goes so slow, driving me right to the edge of insanity and then keeping me there until she feels like making me cum. Of course I hate it too, almost as much as I love it—but when I finally do cum, it’s incredible.

“Oh man, I will never get tired of that!” I groaned out once my ability to speak had returned.

She giggled at me. Evil girl!

“Okay, go ahead and laugh,” I mock-pouted. “Take advantage of a guy in his post-orgasm weakness.”

She flushed at the word orgasm, but only a little.

Suddenly I decided that I wanted to see her really blush—I don’t know why, I just did. “You know, Will?” I asked.

“What?” she said, her voice light...oh so innocent and un-expecting.

“I really love the way you suck my cock,” I said with a wide grin.

“Xander!” she protested, slapping my thigh from where she was kneeling between my calves.

Oh yeah, I love it when her whole face and neck turn hot pink like that.

“What can I say? It’s completely true, you know,” I continued, teasing but serious too.

“You just like to make me blush,” she pouted.

I laughed out loud at that. “That’s true too,” I agreed. “What can I say; you look just too sexy when you blush!”

“Do not!” she protested. “I look like a dork when I blush,” she added in an annoyed mutter.

I sat up and pulled her close to me, but with enough room to look her in the eyes. “Not possible,” I said in all seriousness. “You do not look like a dork, you look sexy and delicious, and I know I’m not the only one that thinks so!”

“Whad’dya mean?” she asked with a confused-looking frown.

“I’ve seen the Buffster checking you out, especially when you blush,” I explained.

Ever since Willow told me about the dressing room incident, I’d been keeping an eye on the Slayer when we hung out...turns out Willow was definitely right; Buffy was spending some quality staring time on my girl, and I could tell without doubt that there was some more-than-friendly interest there.

“Nuh uh...really?” she asked, sounding torn between disbelief, embarrassment and not a little desire.

“Mmm hmm,” I hummed as I slipped one hand between her legs and started rubbing the very wet flesh there. “Does that turn you on?”

“Uhh...I,” she groaned out, starting to pant a little bit.

“I think it does...it sure feels like you’re turned on to me,” I crooned, rubbing a bit more firmly.

“You’re...oh...not mad?” she panted, her hands clutching at my shoulders.

“Nope,” I said, sounding a bit breathy too. “In fact I’d have to say I’m pretty darn turned on myself!”

“Really?” she sounded genuinely surprised.

“Are you kidding?” I exclaimed. “The thought of seeing you and Buffy—mmm, definitely of the good.”

“What about you?” she asked, confusing me a bit.

“Me?” I responded questioningly.

“Uh huh. I...I imagine you there with us,” she gasped out.

Welcome to full erection!

“Wha...what do you see us doing?” It was all I could do to groan out the question—I so wanted to push her down to the bed and take her right then.

“Well, I...uh...I had a dream,” she trailed off.

“Oh God, you have to tell me, please?” I immediately begged.

“I...I dunno,” she whimpered.

I teased her with the tip of my finger, just barely entering before pulling away as I begged, “Oh baby, you have to tell me. Please, Will? You can’t tell me you had a dream about you and me and Buffy, and then leave me hanging like that.”

“Oh, well...I, uh...okay,” she panted out.

I rewarded her by sliding my finger all the way into her, setting a slow and steady rhythm.

“Unh! More, please?” her grunt turned into a bit of a whine.

“Tell me about your dream and I’ll give you all the fingers you want, baby!” I replied, tracing back and forth with a second digit.

“Mmm,” she hummed in delight as I slid in number two and began stroke and rub.

“Well, Buffy and I were at her house, and we were waiting for you to get there, but you were late and I don’t remember what we were talking about...and then out of nowhere she just kissed me!”

Mmm, Buffy and Willow kissing...very nice.

“And then, she pulled away and was all apologizing and stuff and I...I,” she dropped her gaze as she trailed off.

I moved my head aside and kissed her on the neck, hoping it would help for her to not have to look into my eyes. “You what?” I softly prompted.

“I, um...I jumped her,” she said with clear embarrassment.

“Oh God!” I whispered, the mental picture she was painting was driving me insane. Again, only the desire to hear more kept me from taking her hard and fast right there and then! There was definitely going to be some rough sex in our very near future!

“I don’t know how it happened but suddenly we were both naked and I was...I was,” she again trailed off.

“What?” I nearly growled, nipping at her earlobe and neck while I sped up my fingers thrusting inside her.

“I...um...went down,” she whispered, apparently unable to completely verbalize the act.

“You were licking Buffy's pussy?” I asked with a loud groan. My cock felt like it was on fire, it was so hard.

“Mmph...yes,” she cried softly.

“Oh God! Then what?” I panted. She’d said I was in this dream of hers and I wanted to know!

“Right when Buffy...uh,” she started.

“Came?” I interjected.

“Yes. You walked in and caught us,” she said.

“What did I do?” is asked, my mind filled with all the different possibilities.

“You s...said that Buffy was naughty...that she was a b-bad girl for...uh...having me do stuff—especially without your p-per-permission,” she was stuttering, whether from embarrassment or from being on the edge of cumming, I didn’t know. Maybe both.

I was speechless at the vision going on in my head.

“You said she had better pay me back right now for what she owed me, and that you were gonna take what she owed you at the same time,” she finished in a whisper so quiet I probably wouldn’t have heard her if my ear hadn’t been so close to her mouth.

I couldn’t help but blurt out the image in my head, “Buffy on her knees eating you out while I screwed her doggy-style?”

She nodded her head and then cried out as she came around my fingers.

It could have been a dream right then for me, ’cause I don’t remember how I ended up taking her from behind...I just remember that I was pounding away, my hands locked on her hips and roughly jerking her towards me to meet my thrusts.

I would have almost felt bad except that Willow was practically squealing in delight as I pumped myself into her as hard and fast as I could.

“God, I love you, Willow!” I yelled, cumming so hard that I saw spots of light in front of my eyes. I did feel bad then because I was so wiped out that I just collapsed, pulling her into a spoon shape on our sides. Fortunately she’d been taking up my slack and it was only a couple seconds before I felt her quivering around my still semi-erect cock.

We laid there without speaking for a minute or two, just catching our breath.

“Are we bad people for fantasizing about Buffy like that?” She broke the silence after a moment.

“I hope not!” I said with a laugh. I’d only fantasized about her pretty much every minute of the day from the first time I saw her until I woke up to Willow. “I dunno...I mean, she’s probably fantasizing about you too, Will—does that bother you?” I asked after thinking about it a little more.

“You really think she thinks about me like that?” she asked.

My sweet Willow...how such a total sex-kitten can still be so truly innocent is more than I can understand.

“Well, duh! What do you think she’s thinking about when she’s staring at you with that look in her eye?” I asked.

“I guess...I never really thought about it. I mean, Buffy? Thinking sexy thoughts about me?” she asked with clear astonishment in her voice.

“Hey, I think sexy thoughts about you all the time!” I protested.

She spun around to face me with a happy grin on her face. “Really?” she asked, not with disbelief but rather sounding very pleased.

“You know I do,” I whispered, awestruck once again by her beauty.

“You make me so happy, Xander!” she gushed. “I always knew that we’d be perfect together.”

“You’re so smart, baby!” I said, only half-teasingly.

“You goof!” she said with a momentary glare.

As quickly as the glare was replaced with a smile, the smile fell into a frown.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, stroking one hand up and down her arm.

“I just...I feel sorry for Buffy,” she said with distress in her voice.

“Why?” I asked, a bit surprised.

“Well, I mean if she doesn’t want Angel any more and she wants me instead...then I know how she feels and it’s not a happy feeling.” She babbled.

“Huh?” I asked, confused.

“Well, I just...I know what it’s like...to feel like that for someone you can’t have,” she explained.

I flushed with regret. I knew she’d get annoyed with me if I apologized again, but I couldn’t help feeling like a total jackass for ignoring her feelings for so long.

It’s funny though, because I too knew the pain Buffy was feeling. I felt it when I was so into her and she didn’t feel the same way back. It was that deep, aching, country-music kind of pain that I went through when she shot me down after I asked her to the spring-fling. I just didn’t feel like I could really bring it up right then because the being into Buffy thing was one of the reasons I ignored Willow.

“It’s weird how that works out,” she added when I remained silent.

“Whaddya mean?” I asked.

“I was just thinking...I was hurting ’cause I wanted you,” she said, inadvertently causing another spike of guilt in my heart. “You were hurting ’cause you wanted her, but she was mostly okay ’cause she wanted Angel, and she kinda had him—even though he was kinda unpredictable and stuff,” she trailed off.

“Let me just say,” I interjected. “Now that you know there’s no ulterior motive or jealousy or anything, I still think Deadboy was totally wrong for her.”

“Really?” Willow asked, sounding surprised.

“I always tried to tell you guys it wasn’t just ’cause I was jealous,” I said with just a bit of ‘I told you so’ in my voice.

“Well, you kinda were,” she said hesitantly.

That was true, but not the point.

“The guy’s a vampire,” I said absolutely. “Buffy’s the Vampire Slayer. Okay, I get that he has a soul, so maybe she shouldn’t automatically make with the dusting—whatever—he’s still a vamp. Anything relationshippy between those two has ‘Doomed!’ written all over it.”

“Still,” she said, apparently accepting my assertion, though reluctantly, “Now I have you, and you have me, and she doesn’t have anybody!”

“Well, I might be willing to share...you know, so long as I got to watch,” I said teasingly.

“Xander!” she protested, blushing. After a moment, though, the look on her face changed from aggravation to something more thoughtful—and the blushing intensified.

“You’re just teasing, right?” she asked hesitantly.

“I...uh,” I trailed off. Fantasizing aside, would I really be willing to share Willow with Buffy? Would that be something Buffy would even consider for real?

“Xander?” she sounded concerned.

“I never really actually thought about it, I mean, other than, you know, fantasy and stuff,” I answered slowly. “Is that something you think you’d really be interested in?”

“I dunno,” she answered, gulping loudly. “I...after that dream I thought about it...if something like that could really work, if it’s something we’d all three of us actually want.”

“And?” I prompted, unsure at that moment what I wanted to hear myself.

“I love you, Xander. I’m happy now, finally,” she said with a warm smile. “I wouldn’t ever want to do anything that ruined that.”

I smiled back, basking in her love. “I wouldn’t want to ever do anything to ruin that either,” I whispered intently.

“I guess the question is, do you think being with Buffy would ruin that?” she asked.

I thought about it.

“I want to say that it wouldn’t,” I began. “I mean, the thought of seeing the two of you together is...wow!”

“But?” she prompted as I trailed off.

“I think it might...ruin it, I mean. It’s just the thought of you being with someone, and me not being able to be a part of it...even if it’s Buffy—I hate to say it, but I think I would get jealous,” I said, dropping my eyes away from her gaze.

“I guess we’ll just have to find a girl we could both share together,” Willow said, shocking the hell out of me.

My eyes snapped up to meet hers and I shuddered with relief when I saw that she was just teasing. “Willow!” I exclaimed, stunned even still.

“Ha! Gotcha!” she giggled.

“Evil girl,” I muttered.

I don’t know if it was my just inner-piggy being overly-optimistic, or what—but I’d almost swear that I saw a glimmer of something serious in her eyes, despite the giggles.

I don’t know whether I was more frightened or hopeful of what was to come.
 

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Part 5

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Christmas Eve was everything I’d dreamed about. We sat around watching cheesy Christmas specials on TV, laughing and joking about stuff, drinking egg-nog and stuffing ourselves silly on cheese and sausage and all kinds of snack-stuff.

Mrs. Summers was everything Will and I never had in a mom...just full of caring and hugs and being happy for her daughter—even when she told us embarrassing stories about Buffy as a kid. Buff groaned and acted all embarrassed and stuff, but I could see that she was eating it up, too—the attention and the being in the spotlight, so to speak.

As it got close to eleven, I could see Buffy’s mom trying to hide her yawns. She wasn’t used to being up late like we were, what with all-night patrols and stuff. When she finally said goodnight and said she was going to go to bed, Willow and I both told her how great it was that she has us over and I could see a tear in her eye. I could tell it was happy-tears, but I didn’t understand why she’d get that emotional over that.

“Hey, Buff, what’s with your mom?” I asked softly once it was just the three of us.

“We didn’t make her upset did we?” Willow added.

“Nah, just Mom being Mom,” Buffy said dismissively.

“Huh?” Will and I both said at the same time. “You’re gonna have to translate for those of us who don’t have ‘Mom’ type maternal-units,” I added.

“Oh, you know,” Buffy said despite the fact that we clearly didn’t. “She gets emotional and stuff whenever she gets to play mom to you two, ’cause you guys are always complimenting her and stuff. I think she just likes doing for more than just me.”

Willow and I looked at each other and I could see that she was just as confused as me.

“It’s just a mom-thing, you know?” Buffy concluded with a shrug of the shoulders.

“Huh, so that’s how moms are supposed to act?” I asked rhetorically.

“Like they appreciate, or even maybe like their kids?” Willow said with a look of understanding dawning on her face.

“A parent who likes children...wow, what a concept,” I said with just a bit of bitterness leaking out.

Willow snuggled up to me at that moment, completely deflating my anger.

“Sorry,” I whispered, kissing the top of her hair. “You know, you’re lucky to have such a great mom,” I said as I turned my gaze back to Buffy.

“Totally!” Willow gushed in agreement.

“Yeah, well,” Buffy dropped her gaze to the floor. “We’ve had our moments...but yeah, she’s good.”

It was funny; I was sitting there feeling a little jealous of Buffy for having such a great mom and not really seeing that fact—when I’m pretty sure I caught the same look in her eyes just before she dropped them...and I’m not thinking it was because of my mom.

Damn.

“Hey, I gotta use the restroom,” I whispered to Willow as I pulled away and stood up.

“Okay,” she said reluctantly, looking at me with that adorable pout on her face.

“Won’t be long,” I whispered back, resisting my urge to kiss that pout away.

As I walked away thoughts of Buffy moved back to the forefront. Will was definitely right about her being down...despite the fun we’d had that evening, I could see and even feel the sense of loneliness coming from her.

I might not have been crushing on her anymore, but I still loved her and hated to see her suffer. I wondered if I was being selfish...I mean, she’s the Slayer: the reason we’re even alive and not either vamped or vamp-chow a hundred times over. I’m her friend, and I’m supposed to be one of the ones that helps her fight the good fight...did I really have the right to let my jealousy keep her from any happiness she could have with Willow? It’s not like I’d lose Willow...just share her. Of course, I really would like to actually see them in action, so how much of my concern is really just my inner-pervert talking?

Man! What a weird situation to be in.

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Using the restroom took half a minute. Staring at my reflection in the mirror and trying to figure out the tangled knot that was my thoughts and motivations...that took longer.

Despite my reassurance to Willow that I’d be back quickly, it wasn’t to be. I felt a deep-seated need to figure out at least my own stand on this issue before going back out there. I was trying to figure out the difference between what I wanted and what I thought was the right thing to do—then there was Willow to think about, and obviously what Buffy wanted came in to play as well.

I wanted Willow to myself. Not that I had bad feelings from the thought of Willow-Buffy smoochies, in fact it was a very attractive image...but as I told Will, I think I’d be jealous of them being together if I couldn’t be a part of it. Even the thought of being able to watch—which I’m sure wouldn’t happen anyway—wasn’t enough to really make me feel better about giving up part of my time with the woman I’d finally come to love with all my heart.

On the other hand, I love Buffy too—not like I do Willow, but still, she’s more than just a friend. Once upon a time I’d wanted Buffy the way I have Willow. Ignoring the lusty-thoughts I used to have—and still feel on occasion—for the slayer, I also felt like I owed her a pretty big debt. She’s saved my life several times over, not to mention Willow’s life. Beyond that, there’s the whole ‘thanks for keeping the world from being taken over by vamps and demons’ debt that everyone on the planet owed her—only most would never know it. I knew it, and I felt it every time I remembered the way she sacrificed herself to try and prevent the Master from rising. Then, when it turned out that prophecy had screwed her over, she went on to kill that bastard anyway. The fact that I was fortunate enough to have helped out a bit in between the two events didn’t really make the debt any smaller, at least not in my mind.

All of that is a longwinded way of saying that—despite my selfish desire to keep Willow all to myself—I realized that sharing the love of my life with my friend and savior is really a very small burden compared to the debt I owe her. Heck, I’d freely give my life for Buffy—how could I deny her my love, or my lover?

Obviously, Willow isn’t a commodity to be bartered about, and I’d never think of her as something that was mine to give to Buffy, except that Willow didn’t seem to be against the idea.

Wow, The thought hit me that I was seriously standing there considering the idea of sharing my girlfriend with my best friend...who’s also a girl—does that make me a thoughtful, sensitive guy, or a sexist pig?

I wondered how Willow’d react if the situation was reversed? For myself, I don’t think I could do it—not because the thought of being with Buffy and Willow, even separately, is a bad one; but I just don’t think I could do that to Willow. She’d have to convince me that it wouldn’t come between us. I guess that means I will have to convince her that her being with Buffy won’t come between the two of us.

Can I really say that and mean it?

I guess, in the end, it comes down to my ability to trust my Willow—that she won’t leave me—and then deal with the jealousy as it comes.

Man, not for the first time I thought how weird this situation was. Only on the Hellmouth, I guess.

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When I walked back into the living room, Willow and Buffy were sitting on the floor, Indian style, with their knees touching. They were leaned toward each other, talking in low voices so I couldn’t make out what they were saying. The sight of them though, mmm! Whether we really do this amazingly strange little sharing thing or not, the images of the two of them together were going to be giving me happy thoughts for a long, long time.

“Hey, you two,” I interjected softly, not wanting to startle them. “What’s the up?”

They jerked apart slightly—Buffy with a slightly guilty look on her face, but Willow looked almost giddy with excitement.

“Well,” Buffy said, sounding a little nervous for some reason, “I’m gonna go do a quick patrol.”

“Want company?” I offered with a shrug.

“Nah, just gonna hit Restfield real quick and then come back and crash.” She said, sounding a bit more nonchalant.

“Crash?” I asked, surprised. “But it’s only...oh,” I trailed off as I looked up at the clock. I guess I was in the bathroom longer than I thought.

“Yeah, we should try to get a few hours if we’re gonna be up early to open prezzies!” Buffy’s outward demeanor changed from slightly down, to almost childlike excitement at the mention of presents in the morning.

“Ugh, early morning wakeup on a vacation day? That’s just wrong,” I complained half-heartedly.

“Yeah, well Mom’s going to a Christmas party at my aunt’s in San Bernardino, and she’s gotta leave by ten,” Buffy trailed off apologetically. “But hey, for prezzies, it’ll be worth it!” she added, smile firmly back in place.

I couldn’t help but smile myself in response, and Willow was still grinning madly from whatever discussion they’d had. I couldn’t wait to hear about it.

“Okay, have fun slaying!” my redheaded lover said happily as she bounced to her feet. She immediately pressed against me, my arms wrapping around her tightly.

“Mom’s a pretty heavy sleeper, but try not to wake her up, ’kay?” Buffy tossed back over her shoulder as she left the room.

“Hey!” Willow objected with a pout.

I smiled at that. “She does have a point, you know,” I said softly.

Mmm, Willow-blush.

“Well, I’ll just use a pillow...” she trailed off, blushing even harder.

Oh boy, visions of Willow on her knees face down against a pillow as she screamed my name...suddenly my curiosity regarding their conversation had taken a back seat to more important things.

“Come on!” her voice shook me out of my momentary stupor. “I’ve got really great news to tell you, after,” she left off, not needing to explain to me what we were gonna do first.

I followed her up the stairs, muttering, “Time to test out that pillow!”

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It turned out the pillow worked pretty well. I managed to make her cum twice before I grunted out my own orgasm through clenched teeth and fell forward pulling us onto our sides in a spoon position.

“Love you so much!” she whimpered, panting hard to catch her breath.

“Me too, you,” I huffed, holding her tight to me and kissing her sweat-dampened neck as I enjoyed our mutual afterglow.

I spent the next several minutes lying there very happy as the sweet scent of her hair filled my nostrils with every deep breath I took.

“So, pillow worked okay?” she asked once she’d caught her breath. I could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke.

“Oh yeah...I think we’ll be okay next time we have to deal with your parents being home overnight,” I answered. Good thing! Last time had nearly killed us—going without.

She pulled away enough to roll over and face me and I could feel my heart beat a little faster at the joyful smile on her face. “Oh, that’s good!” she said intently. “I hated it last time!”

“Me too,” I agreed.

“So, you’ll never believe what me and Buffy were talking about!” she transitioned, growing even more excited.

“Something good, I’m thinking,” I said sardonically.

“Very, very!” she gushed.

“But, Buffy didn’t look all that happy,” I interjected. “In fact, she looked kinda...guilty almost?” I added, remembering the look on her face.

“That’s ’cause she doesn’t know it’s good yet,” Willow answered.

“Huh?” I asked ever so intelligently.

“When you left, I asked her what the deal was with her and Angel,” she began.

“Whoa, direct confrontation, huh? Go Willow!” I interjected.

“She said she decided she didn’t want to be with him, but she didn’t want to say why at first, but eventually she admitted that she’d realized he was completely the wrong guy for her,” she explained.

“Hallelujah!” I exclaimed. “Finally!”

“Yeah, but that’s not even the good part yet!” she corrected. “When I asked why she thought that, she said it was because she’d figured out what she really wanted, and Angel could never give it to her.”

“Yeah, you,” I said with a soft smile.

“Uh uh,” she shook her head, smiling widely.

“Whaddya mean?” I said with a frown. “She’s totally into you, we’ve both seen it!”

“Oh, I think you’re right, she wants me, but that’s not what she told me,” she explained.

“And again with the huh?” I muttered, confused.

“She told me she realized that she screwed up big time last year,” she said, still grinning madly.

“What, when she kissed Deadboy?” I asked, still lost.

“No, when she turned you down,” she said.

I’m pretty sure my mouth opened and closed a couple times, but nothing came out. Probably for the best because I had nothing better than ‘Huh?’ to say at that point.

Willow laughed aloud at my stunned silence. She went on to explain, “She was totally apologetic and stuff; said she didn’t mean that she was gonna try to take you away, or that she even could if she wanted to ’cause she knew you were totally into me.”

“She’s right,” I interjected with a warm smile, cupping her beautiful face with my hand.

“I know,” Willow replied with certainty. “I can’t tell you how much that means to me, it’s everything!” she went on, dropping the Buffy topic for a moment.

I thought, ‘Dear God, how I love this girl!’

Well, there was nothing to do but make with the smoochies for several minutes at that point.

“Where were we?” she asked me with the most delightful look of cross-eyed bliss on her face.

“Um...something about Buffy not trying to take me away from you, I think,” I said, feeling a little blissful myself.

“Right, right...she...oh, when you went shopping Saturday!” she blurted.

“At the risk of sounding repetitious, huh?” I said.

“Oh, that’s when she realized she’d screwed up,” she explained.

“Uh, okay,” I said, not sure what to think of that.

“She told me that she saw for the first time just how in-love you were with me—how you had, like, totally put me first in your life. She said she realized that that could have been her if she had just said yes...if she had chosen you over a walking corpse.”

“Wow,” I exhaled heavily.

“I know!” Willow agreed. “She said that, even though it was too late for her to have that kind of thing from you, she wasn’t going to settle for something less and Angel could never give her the kind of love you give me.”

“That’s...wow,” I said, still in shock. “But, is this a good thing?”

“Xander, we talked about, you know...and you kinda said you wouldn’t be totally comfortable...um...sharing me, not if you couldn’t...but now maybe you could too, both of us?”

That brought a smile to my face. Only Willow could be so adorably cute while propositioning someone regarding a threesome.

“I was thinking about what we’d talked about,” I started. “I take it you’re definitely interested in trying to have a relationship with Buffy?”

“If-if it’s a choice between you two, it would be you, Xander,” she said. I couldn’t tell for sure if she was trying to reassure me, of if it was just a statement of fact, but I felt a warm fuzzy either way.

“And if it isn’t a choice between us?” I prompted with a encouraging smile.

“I’m not sure when or-or how it happened for sure,” she started. “When we were shopping Saturday...I saw her looking at me like that—like she wanted to eat me up right there in the dressing room...it’s like something woke up inside me!”

I nodded and just kept smiling, wanting to encourage her to continue.

“I was kinda scared, definitely confused...but there was something in me that was sad when she backed off,” she said in a whisper. “Maybe—maybe I’ve always wanted her, and I was just afraid to admit it even to myself...it’s like it doesn’t feel new, you know?”

I nodded again, even though I wasn’t sure I really understood. I’d get there eventually.

“Like the feeling has always been there but I didn’t understand it, or I didn’t want to understand it until that moment...and then I did understand it,” she said with a joyful smile. “I love Buffy; she’s the most important person in my life right after you.”

This time I nodded because I knew exactly what she meant.

“Plus, she’s like this uber-important hero type person, you know, protector of us—all of us humans against the bad guys that want to kill us all!” she went on, eerily echoing my thoughts earlier. “And, I want to do anything I can to be there for her—like I owe her, except it’s not like she asked for it, it’s just what I need to do for her. So if she needs a friend, I’m there, and if she needs...more than a friend...well I want to be there for her for that too.”

She looked into my eyes as though searching for any disapproval I might feel.

My thoughts from earlier came forth without conscious effort, ‘How could I deny her my love, or my lover?’

“I was thinking...while you and Buffy were talking, I was trying to figure out how I felt about stuff,” I began, trying to organize my thoughts in some coherent way—not succeeding much. “I made a decision, kind of like you just said—I owe Buffy everything, including my life and yours. Even if I might have to deal with a little jealousy, how could I not let you be there for her if it’s what you both wanted?”

“You love her, don’t you?” she asked.

I never thought I’d hear the question from Willow without pain, let alone with such joy in her voice.

“Yes,” I answered. “I love Buffy, almost as much as I love you.”

“So, how do we seduce her?” Willow asked in the most shockingly innocent and bubbly voice that that question has probably ever been asked.

I gave the subject serious thought...and realized I had no idea—what the hell did I know about seduction?

“Oh, there’s mistletoe,” Willow suddenly blurted out. “Maybe...maybe after her mom leaves for that party we could, you know, catch her under the mistletoe?”

“Smart chicks are so hot!” I responded.

Between the hotness that is Willow, and thinking of the two of us seducing Buffy, I was definitely up for another round!

“Mrs. Summers is gonna wonder why there’s bite marks on this pillowcase,” Willow muttered, blushing mightily even as she moved to get up on her knees.

Forget how lucky I’ll be if we get Buffy, I’m already the luckiest guy on the planet!
 

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Part 6

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“This is almost exactly what I pictured Christmas would be like,” I whispered joyfully in my lover’s ear.

“It is nice,” she agreed. “I never really dreamed about the Christmas part, but I could imagine Hanukkah being like this...if I had parents like Buffy’s mom!”

“Okay, another round of nog!” Mrs. Summers announced as she re-entered the room.

We both turned to look at her, and I could see Willow’s face reflecting the appreciation that I was feeling for Buffy’s mom.

“What?” she asked in the face of our stares.

“Thank you so much for having us over!” Willow immediately gushed, sounding like she was on the verge of tears.

My own voice was a bit choked up as I added, “Yeah, thanks Mrs. S. This really has been the best Christmas morning ever!”

Especially since I usually wake up on Christmas alone, in a sleeping bag in my back yard.

“Great, now she’s gonna cry!” Buffy groused, not fooling anyone with her mock-ire.

I was surprised when Mrs. Summers stuck her tongue out at Buffy, but it definitely broke the mood, causing Will and me to laugh.

“Mom!” Buffy protested, causing our laughter to increase until she finally joined in herself.

When we all finished catching our breath, Mrs. Summers said, “Well, I think that’s all the presents except for whatever you two got each other,” she trailed off with a slightly worried look before adding, “That is, if it’s something that can be opened in public.”

I laughed, but didn’t miss Willow’s blush. “Don’t worry Mrs. S,” I reassured her. “Mine’s pretty much G-rated.”

I produced the small, flat box that I’d set aside earlier.

“Oh, Xander! It’s so pretty!” she ‘ooh’ed and ‘ahh’ed over it.

“Well, I had help wrapping it,” I admitted, mouthing a very sincere ‘Thank you!’ to Mrs. Summers. Her smile back caused warm-fuzzy feelings in my chest. I wondered if it was possible to fall in maternal-love with someone.

Turning my attention back to Will, I watched her neatly slice the tape with her fingernails, unfolding the paper as she always did despite my attempts to get her to just rip her presents open.

“Wow!” she exhaled as the red velvet box was revealed.

The pendant only came with a cardboard box, but I’d taken the liberty of ‘borrowing’ one of my mother’s old jewelry boxes, and once I’d gotten the dust off, it was pretty nice.

I watched her face carefully as she slowly opened the box. I didn’t want to miss a single expression.

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped just a little bit as she gasped softly. “Oh, Xander!” she exclaimed softly before turning to look at me.

I was nearly undone by the way she drew in part of her lower lip, biting the quivering pink flesh softly with her front teeth. Her eyes were wide open and shiny with tears that threatened to spill out onto her flushed cheeks...I don’t think she’d ever looked more lovely.

I licked my suddenly dry lips and my voice was hoarse as I said, “Open it up.”

Again I watched, filled with happiness as her tears fell. I knew they were tears of joy.

“Xander, it’s beautiful!” she said with a sniffle and a trembling smile.

“You’re beautiful!” I said with deep emotional intensity. “Let me put it on you?” I asked.

She turned her back to me and lifted her hair with one hand as she handed me the locket with the other. I placed it around her neck and it took me a moment to clasp it, as my hands were trembling just a little bit. When I did get it closed, I placed a soft kiss to the delicious skin at the nape of her neck and whispered, “I love you so much, Will. Every day, I’m happy ’cause you’re in my life!”

She turned back around and the smile that graced her face was exactly what I’d been dreaming of seeing this morning. My Christmas fantasy was now fulfilled.

“Well, let us see it!” Mrs. Summers excited voice pulled me back to reality, and the realization that we weren’t alone here.

When I turned towards the Summers ladies, I saw a warm happy smile on the elder, and a look of longing on the younger that made it feel like my heart was squeezing in my chest.

‘We definitely made the right decision,’ I thought as Willow giddily bounced over to them, happily displaying her gift.

“That’s a lovely picture!” Mrs. Summers said as she looked at it.

Will and I did one of those photo-booth things a few weeks ago and one of the shots had caught this perfect moment when we were looking into each-other’s eyes and our laughter had faded into this amazingly loving look. It was absolutely perfect, and we couldn’t have planned it better.

She’d lamented that it was too small to really blow up and frame, as she’d wanted the moment we saw it develop. That made the lucky locket find just that much more perfect.

“You own my heart, X heart W,” Buffy read the engraving aloud. “What’s with the number eight on its side?” she asked, sounding confused.

“That’s the symbol for infinity, Buffy,” Willow corrected.

“Xander loves Willow forever,” Mrs. Summers translated. “Oh, that’s so sweet!”

‘How much does Mrs. S rock?’ I thought, shaking my head in wonder. Who else would be so completely supportive of her daughter’s friends? The woman actually put us in the same room for a sleep-over, knowing full well we’d be making with the sex.

I could only hope she’d be anywhere near as supportive if Will and I were successful in seducing her daughter.

“So, what about Xander’s present?” Mrs. Summers asked after a minute.

“Um...I,” Willow stammered, turning bright red.

Poor Will...still, I can’t help but love seeing her blush like that.

Buffy laughed. “I think Xander has to unwrap Willow if he wants to see his present,” she said teasingly.

“Oh my,” Mrs. Summers said, coughing lightly and fanning her face with her hand as she blushed a bit herself.

Willow covered her face with her hands. “I’m so embarrassed!” came out slightly muffled, provoking Buffy to laugh even harder.

I abstained from laughter by picturing the possibilities—It sounded like my Victoria's Secret fantasies were coming true!

“You’re the one that talked me into it!” Willow pouted, pointing her finger accusingly at the laughing Slayer.

“Hmm, on that note, I think I’ll go get ready to go,” Mrs. Summers said, still flushed, but smiling.

Looking back at the two most important people in my life, I thought, ‘I wonder if Buffy got something sexy to wear too...If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll get to unwrap two presents tonight!’

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“Are we still,” Willow stopped short, her voice betraying her nervousness.

“Yeah...yeah,” I started, feeling a little edgy myself. “I mean, you still want to, right?”

“I do, I just...what do we...I mean, how do we start?” she asked.

Buffy’s mom had been gone almost an hour and we’d just kinda hung out, veging in front of the TV. Buffy finally got up, mumbling that she needed to use the little girls’ room, whereupon we’d started our whispered plan-making.

“Well, I like your mistletoe idea,” I said, gesturing toward said plant hanging above the doorway that Buffy would be coming back through into the living room.

“Oh, yeah...right,” Willow nodded. “Uh, so...who goes first? Or, or both at once?”

“I think you should be first,” I whispered. “I mean, I’ll go first if you want, but she was definitely giving you the eye when she was talking about my present.”

“Yeah?” she said, blushing and grinning at the same time.

“Oh yeah,” I assured her. “I’m really, really looking forward to unwrapping you, by the way!” I said with a leer.

“Oh, me too!” she agreed. “Maybe, hopefully...maybe you can both unwrap me?”

I couldn’t restrain a whimper at the thought.

“Oh, okay, I’m gonna...uh...go stand over there,” she said, getting to her feet.

She stood there looking awkward for about thirty seconds before I thought, ‘No way is this gonna work. She’s freaking out...hell I’m freaking out watching her!’

Hearing the toilet flush, I suddenly leapt to my feet and rushed over, sweeping my love into a passionate kiss.

She clutched to me tightly and I was in heaven, as per usual when kissing this sexy woman. I broke the kiss when I heard the sink turn off, knowing Buffy would be coming out momentarily.

“Wha...why?” Willow asked, looking up at me confused.

I smiled broadly at the adorable look on her face. “Both, I think,” I whispered in response.

Relief was clear on her face as she smiled back.

I centered us in the doorway and began to give her little teasing kisses, waiting for the Buffster to join us.

“Okay, guys,” Buffy’s voice sounded both amused and annoyed. “You’re kinda blocking the way, here!”

“Oops, sorry,” I mumbled, gently pushing Will back against the doorframe as I stepped back against the opposite leaving a Buffy sized gap between us.

My heart was hammering in my chest and I struggled to stay calm—at least outwardly.

Buffy looked up at me like I was a puzzle to be solved for just a moment, then shrugged and walked between us.

I quickly stuck out my arm, making sure I was well clear of her chest—didn’t want Slayer-induced bodily harm before I could explain myself.

“Uh, Buff?” I asked with a raspy voice. “You forgot something.”

“What are you talking about, Xander?” she asked with narrowed eyes, hands on her hips and looking about two seconds from violence.

Willow’s arms came around Buffy’s torso, just under her breasts, and hugged the Slayer tightly to her—displaying a boldness that I would never have expected, but which I seriously appreciated at that moment. “Look up, Buffy,” she softly whispered.

Buffy’s eyes widened and she looked back down at me with surprise, and I think even a little fear in her expression.

“You know, it’s bad luck to ignore mystical old traditions,” Willow continued, filling me with pride at her creativity. Then she pushed the Slayer toward me, adding, “We of all people should avoid bad luck, don’t you think?”

I’d thought Willow was going to go first, but I couldn’t really complain.

Kissing Buffy was different than kissing Willow. She’s got this kind of overbite thing, and my first try I only really got her upper lip—plus she didn’t really kiss back. So, I kind of cupped her chin and tipped her head back a little bit and that time I got a pretty good kiss in. The third time really was a charm—she gave this soft moan, and her mouth opened up against mine and then there was definite tongue. Only the tips, really—neither of us delving very deeply, but she was definitely kissing me back and it was nice...not Willow nice, but there was clearly potential there.

“Hey, feeling kinda left-out here,” my lover’s voice caused me to break away with a smile.

“My bad, Will; it’s your turn,” I answered her.

Buffy’s stunned look hadn’t left completely, but I saw powerful desire in those deep green eyes.

I stepped to the side, wanting to see my fantasies come to life. Buffy tried to move from between Will and I, and seemed taken aback when, instead, my girl turned her around so they were face to face.

“Huh?” Buffy’s surprise quickly melted away as Willow tipped her chin up and covered her mouth with her own.

It was better than I’d imagined. I’d pictured sexy—and it was, incredibly so—but this was more than just lust. It was almost as though I could feel Willow’s love for Buffy as a physical thing, and Buffy’s longing was like a empty space that Willow was filling up right before my eyes.

“Mmm, Buffy-smoochies!” Willow hummed with delight when they broke apart some interminable time later.

“I...wha-what just happened here?” Buffy asked, bewildered.

“We love you,” Willow said with a happy sigh.

“And we want you to be happy,” I added.

“And we figured out that you’ve been having warm-fuzzy feelings for us,” Will added with a smile.

“So, Merry Christmas!” I finished the thought.

“This is a Christmas present?” Buffy asked, incredulous. “A kiss under the mistletoe?”

“A kiss is just the warm-up,” Willow said saucily.

“And it’s more than just a Christmas present,” I added. “It’s forever, if you want it,” I explained, suddenly nervous once again.

“I don’t understand,” Buffy cried softly, sounding confused and a little overwhelmed.

“Xander and I want the two of us to become the three of us,” Willow explained.

“And me is the three?” Buffy still sounded confused.

“Look at me, Buffy,” Willow instructed. “I want you to answer me honestly, okay?”

“Uh...okay,” Buffy answered.

“Do you love me?” Will asked straight out.

“Yes, but—” Buffy started.

“Do you want me?” Willow overrode her protest.

“I...uh,” Buffy trailed off, blushing mightily. After a moment of Willow’s silent stare, she nodded slightly, her head just barely moving.

Willow smiled brightly and looked to me as if to say, ‘Your turn.’

I once again cupped Buffy’s chin, gently turning her toward me. “Do you love me, Buffy?” I asked, ninety percent sure the answer was yes, and trying to ignore the other ten percent that had my stomach in knots.

“Yes,” she answered piteously, almost like she thought she’d get in trouble for it.

Her yes answer bolstered my confidence about a thousand percent.

“Do you want me as much as I want you?” I asked, my voice deep and raspy.

“I...yes,” she said and the yearning in her voice filled me with heat.

A quick glance at Willow showed me that she was just as excited and eager for this as I was.

Incredibly emboldened, I asked, “Do you want Willow and me to take you upstairs—right now—and make love to you all afternoon long?”

We both held our breath as we waited for her answer.

The mighty Slayer was trembling, but her voice was clear and strong as she answered, “Yes, please!”

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In retrospect, I could only admit to amazement that we hadn’t torn Buffy’s clothes off and immediately ravished her.

Willow took her hand and led her up the stairs to the guest room as I followed, keeping my hands firmly on her hips. I’m not sure why; maybe I was afraid she’d disappear and I’d wake from this incredible dream.

“Would you help me undress Willow?” I asked, feeling silly, but thinking that maybe she’d feel more comfortable if she wasn’t the first one naked.

“Okay,” she nodded, still looking a little scared, but definitely aroused.

We stripped Will slowly, Buffy following my lead and kissing that incredibly sexy flesh as each new area was uncovered until she was trembling with desire.

Willow eagerly helped me do the same to Buffy, causing gasps and small cries as we took the time to suckle her breasts before kissing our way down her stomach and slowly sliding down her panties.

Patience was gone by that time and I quickly shed my clothes while Will laid Buffy back on the bed and went back to those luscious breasts—high, firm and creamy white in contrast to her tanned flesh elsewhere. Her nipples and areolas were the color of milk chocolate and I couldn’t help but think of Hershey’s kisses.

“I wanna watch you,” Willow trailed off, nodding her head toward the juncture of Buffy’s thighs.

The Slayer gasped, and then moaned at Willow’s words.

“You’re going to love this, Buff!” Willow gushed. “He’s really, really good at this!”

I think my own skin was approaching the color of her hair at that compliment. I could only hope that I lived up to the hype. She smelled different than Willow did, but still mouthwatering. I parted her furred flesh with my fingers and began tentatively licking.

Oh she was definitely wet, and highly responsive too—already thrashing a bit and moaning out loud and I’d barely started.

It was weird having an audience. Will seemed to be riveted on my every move...probably memorizing for when it was her turn. That thought had me groaning against Buffy’s pussy as my dick went from pretty-hard to fricken obsidian. I left off licking and began to suck her clit hard, wanting to send her over the edge before I ended up cumming on the sheets.

Fortunately Buffy was just as turned-on as I was because it was only a few moments later and she was bucking like a rodeo horse. Unlike Willow, she didn’t scream my name, but she moaned it loud enough that I could feel my bones rattling.

“God, Xander!” Buffy panted out after finally coming to rest.

I loved the little shivers she made with each sweep of my tongue as I cleaned her up.

“Told ya!” Willow giggled.

“Okay, now I know why you walk around with that big grin all the time!” Buffy said, sounding astonished.

“Lie on your back, Xan,” Willow told me with a sultry smile.

I happily complied; hoping one of them would do something about my ‘swelling’ issue. It was actually becoming painful in its intensity.

“Look at him, Buff,” Willow nearly crooned. “Isn’t he beautiful?”

“I think you’re both beautiful...I can’t believe this is happening,” Buffy answered with an intense mix of emotions. I saw happiness, and wonder and fear and disbelief cross her expression in short order.

“Oh it’s real, see?” Willow asked, taking Buffy’s hand and moving it to wrap around my dick.

“Holy God!” I grunted out at the sight and the feel. They looked so different, one luminous, freckled ivory...the other golden tan, except for the creamy-white flesh of her breasts and surrounding her triangle of light-brown fur.

Thank God I was rendered speechless, ’cause I immediately thought, ‘the carpet does not match the drapes.’

“This fits in you?” Buffy asked, incredulous as she stroked softly up and down, causing my ego to swell, and unfortunately my dick too. It was definitely becoming uncomfortably hard.

“Oh yeah,” Willow said, sounding so damn sexy. “And it feels sooo good!”

Buffy gulped, eyes wide with shock.

“Gah!” I grunted. “You two are killing me here! You’re so damn sexy I can’t stand it!”

Willow giggled. Evil woman.

Buffy blushed, smiled and dropped her gaze away from mine.

“You wanna go first?” Willow asked Buffy, gesturing to my dick.

“Um, I...I’ve never,” Buffy trailed off sounding embarrassed.

“Really?” Willow asked, echoing my unspoken surprise.

Holy...I was going to get to be Buffy’s first?