not spoken
 

i'm no good with words
they
scare me
tear at me
and then

smiling i nod like it's all okay
like you're here and i'm
okay again

but i'm not.

i soil the bed,
shameful and embarrassed
by my lust
my lack of self control
and
these words that i can't find anymore...

there's moaning and begging
and wondering where you are

where are you?

these words
these pretty, precious,
damned words
rot in my mouth
unmoved and wilted
these words that bind us
that tie us together
before breaking in and parting.

words like responsibility and trust
and marriage and monogamy
and true crime....
words i don't understand the meaning;
the context of becomes lost
to me
in translation like old english or french or...

words scare me
i don't trust them and yet,
i use their form to figure out my own
to decipher my life like some sort of
code or ancient text
or child's rhyme.

i'm horrible with words like you and me
at using them to describe and relate and answer.
words clear a path
and then die at the end of my tongue.

i listen intently to what you have to say,
it's safer this way
easier to listen
than to use words i'm no good at.
 

========== RedWillow ==========